


but you've got stars in your eyes, and i've got something missing tonight

by starkidpatronus



Category: Doctor Who
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/F, Femslash February, Femslash February 2018, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Light Angst, POV Third Person, POV Third Person Limited, Prompt: Light, au where journey comes with clara and the doctor and danny.....ain't around, light - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-10
Updated: 2018-02-10
Packaged: 2019-03-16 03:41:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13627866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starkidpatronus/pseuds/starkidpatronus
Summary: It’s a quiet ache, usually. But there are times when it pulls so strongly on Clara’s heartstrings, she feels like she’ll explode with the desperation of it all. One such time comes a rare restful night, in between battles and adventures and fantastical worlds. Just floating in space as the lights go by.





	but you've got stars in your eyes, and i've got something missing tonight

**Author's Note:**

> So, how long did it take for me to fall behind in those whole "one fic a day" thing? Answer: NOT LONG AT ALL!! But did we really expect anything different from me?
> 
> I'll be catching up on all the prompts in the next few days.
> 
> Title is from "What A Feeling" by One Direction.

                One of Clara’s favorite parts of the universe is seeing all the lights. She doesn’t care if that’s cliché; they’re beautiful enough to justify clichés. The way they shimmer and swirl and move as if dancing in perfect rhythm with each other. All their infinite colors; her favorites are the blue ones. And the green ones. Also the yellow ones. Oh, and how could she forget the white ones?

                But all of them fade in comparison to the lights she finds in Journey Blue’s eyes.

                Journey’s eyes are breathtaking. They draw you in with their expressiveness; some wear their hearts on their sleeves, but Journey’s is in her eyes. Clara could spend all of endless time staring into them and never be bored.

                Of course, that’s not an option, practically. They have to keep moving, constantly. The Doctor isn’t one to stay in one place for very long, after all. Still, Clara allows herself moments. Moments to stop and breathe and just _look_ into those eyes that have held her captive since the day she first saw them.

                Her favorite times are when they’ve just done something brilliant—“ _Crazy_ , Clara, the word you’re looking for is _crazy_ ”—and she looks over to see Journey beaming, eyes wide and dancing.

                The worst times are when something’s just happened; they’ve lost someone, and Clara looks over to see Journey’s eyes filling with tears, none of them falling. She knows Journey sees her brother in every person that dies. She knows it never gets easier. She knows there’s nothing she can do. But she also knows that Journey never pulls away from her touch when Clara offers it in these moments.

                It’s a quiet ache, usually. But there are times when it pulls so strongly on Clara’s heartstrings, she feels like she’ll explode with the desperation of it all. One such time comes a rare restful night, in between battles and adventures and fantastical worlds. Just floating in space as the lights go by.

                She finds Journey in their favorite spot, already curled up on a step, watching space through the window.

                “’Mind if I join you?” she asks, sitting down across from her. They’re sitting sideways on the same step, feet barely touching.

                “’Course,” Journey replies shortly, not taking her eyes off the window.

                Clara lets a brief amount of time pass in silence, nothing but the sound of the TARDIS’s operating systems whirring softly in the background. She murmurs, “Beautiful, isn’t it?”

                “Mm,” Journey hums in agreement. “I think it’s my favorite part.”

                “Of what?”

                “All of this,” she answers. “In the midst of all this madness, it’s just so…calm. Peaceful. Out in the middle of nowhere.” After a moment, she adds, “And everywhere. It’s everything, isn’t it?”

                “Yeah,” Clara breathes, staring at Journey. “It sure is.”

                Journey turns to look at her then, and Clara’s breath hitches. Journey gives a small smile and asks, “What?”

                “What?”

                “What are you looking at me like that for?”

                “Like what?”

                “Like…like _I’m_ the lights show,” she laughs a little.

                “Because you are,” Clara answers steadily, the words falling from her tongue plainly, tired of being stuck behind her teeth all this time. “To me, anyways. Probably to others, too. But definitely to me.”

                Journey peers at her, eyes narrowed. “Really?”

                “Yes,” Clara confirms, because what would be the point in denying it? She’s tired of pretending.

                “Why are you telling me this?”

                “Why does anyone tell anyone anything?” she tosses back, letting her head fall back against the wall behind her. “I want you to give me an answer.”

                “A very specific answer, I presume,” Journey replies, jaw tight as she looks back out the window.

                “An honest answer,” Clara clarifies.

                Journey looks back at Clara, considering her as she reads Clara’s face for sincerity. Apparently satisfied with the truthfulness of Clara’s declaration, she sighs and shifts in her seat. “Honestly? I don’t know what to say, Clara.”

                “Just tell me how you feel about me,” Clara begs. “That’s all I’m asking for.”

                “It’s not that simple.”

                “Why not?”

                “It just isn’t.”

                Clara bites back her frustration, saying earnestly, “I love you, Journey. Do you love me? All I need is a yes or no.”

                “I don’t know!” Journey bursts out. “God, you always want everything to be so _easy_ , Clara, but it’s not! Life is confusing, and you don’t always know how you feel about things. At least, I don’t. And I don’t need you making me feel about that.” With that, she stands and starts walking down the stairs.

                “Where are you going?” Clara demands, standing up herself.

                “To bed!” Journey retorts, departing into her makeshift bedroom. Clara watches her go and collapses back into her seat, all the fight gone out of her.

***

                It’s a week later when they find themselves back in their window seat.

                Clara’s already there when Journey appears, looking timid. “May I join you?”

                Clara nods, barely sparing her a glance; her heart has been hurting too much recently when she looks for too long.

                Journey sits down gingerly. For a moment, neither of them say anything. Clara certainly isn’t going to start this; she doesn’t know how to, and anyways, _she’s_ the one who asked for an answer. It’s Journey’s turn to respond.

                Journey’s looking out the window, watching the lights, when she finally says, “I’ve been thinking about what you told me.” Then, as a thoroughly unnecessary afterthought, “Last week.”

                “What about what I asked you?” Clara replies evenly, not even taking in the splendor of a pink galaxy and a white galaxy growing closer and closer, swirling into each other’s orbits.

                “I still don’t know,” Journey admits. “I’m sorry.”

                Clara sighs, closing her eyes against the reality of life’s difficulties. “Why not?” she asks, voice choked.

                “It’s just so hard,” Journey explains, eyes pleading as she gazes at Clara. “To think about all that, in the middle of…everything we do. You know?”

                “No,” Clara answers bluntly. “I wasn’t able to avoid thinking about it. Feeling it.”

                “Well, I’m glad it was so easy for you,” Journey snips, rolling her eyes. “Some of us need a little more time.”

                “Is there anything I can do to make this easier for you?” Clara says dryly. Still, she’ll do whatever it takes at this point to get a straight answer.

                “Well,” Journey says, looking down as her cheeks flush. “Actually, I, uh—yes. Yes, there is.”

                “Great,” Clara responds, leaning forward. “What is it?”

                Journey’s determinedly looking down when she asks, “Um—could you—maybe—kiss me?”

                Clara blinks. “What?”

                “Forget it,” Journey quickly backtracks. “It was a stupid idea; just forget I said anything; you don’t—”

                “Wait, hang on, I’m perfectly willing,” Clara states squarely. “I just want to know why.”

                “Well, if I like it,” Journey explains, keeping her gaze fixed out the window. “That means I must at least have feelings for you. Right?”

                “Right,” Clara repeats, still dazed. “Makes sense.” She takes a moment, then says, “So…you just want me to…go for it, then?”

                “If you’re okay with that!”

                “Of course!” She clears her throat. “Of course. Um…all right, I—Well, I’ll just, uh—do that, then.”

                “All right,” Journey says, breathing a little fast. She closes her eyes, which only makes Clara feel more lost.

                She searches deep for any bit of courage she has, doesn’t let herself think about what she’s doing, and leans forward to gently place her lips against Journey’s.

                For a second, they just stay there, Clara not wanting to push anything. But apparently, Journey does, as she rushes to place a hand on the back of Clara’s neck, her fingers caught up in the fine hair there. Clara responds in kind, placing a hand on Journey’s arm. Journey moves her lips against Clara’s and Clara lets the sensations wash over her, disbelief and elation and desperation. She knows this will eventually have to end, but never wants it to. When Journey bites Clara’s bottom lip, Clara moans into Journey’s mouth, and Journey smiles against her lips.

                When they inevitably pull away, Clara’s head is spinning as it falls back against the wall again. Turns out, Journey’s eyes have nothing on Journey’s lips.

                “Yes,” Journey breathes, smiling at Clara sheepishly.

                “Yes, what?” she asks, not registering anything beyond the tingling of her lips.

                “Yes to the question you asked me a week ago,” Journey says, still grinning. “Yes. I do.”

                Clara lets it hit her, then breathlessly smiles back. It’s life-changing, but it feels like just another night by the window as she takes Journey’s hand. “Well then,” she declares, glancing out the window to see the pink and white galaxies colliding. “Isn’t that convenient.”

**Author's Note:**

> Be sure to leave kudos and a comment if you enjoyed!! If you have a femslash pairing you want me to write for this month, or a specific prompt, let me know in the comments!! <3


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